Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Fish Wielder by J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison






Fish Wielder
J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison

YA Epic Fantasy
Fish Wielder Series (Book 1)
Publisher: Fiery Seas Publishing, LLC
August 23, 2016 

Book Description:

Fish Wielder is kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia, if it was written by the guys who made Monty Python and the Holy Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might Be Giants. 

In ancient times, the Dark Lord Mauron cooked the most powerful magic chocolate dessert ever made, the Pudding of Power.

One thousand and two years later, the evil leader of the Bad Religion, the Heartless One, is trying to recover the lost pudding in order to enslave the peoples of Grome. Only the depressed barbarian warrior Thoral Might Fist and his best friend, Brad the talking Koi fish, have a chance to save the world of Grome from destruction, but that's going to take a ridiculous amount of magic and mayhem.

Thus begins the epically silly epic fantasy of epic proportions, Fish Wielder—book one of the Fish Wielder Trilogy.


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Advanced Praise:

“This is one wild romp! I'm not sure I've seen such preposterously determined critic-baiting parody since Xanth or Asprin's Myth-Begotten series. I recommend it to anyone.” ―Piers Anthony, New York Times Bestselling Author 

"Fast, fun, fantastic! Fish Wielder is hilarious and unpredictable, like a drunk bear playing whack-a-mole." ―Logan J. Hunder, author of Witches Be Crazy


"A great time. Fast and funny, it races along in a self-aware tone that should appeal to anyone who loves fantasy but has ever found themselves thinking, huh, that was a little melodramatic." ―Clay Johnson, author of OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (Ravenswood Publishing, 2016)





Excerpt 3 (346 words)
The gate gaped like the mouth of a monster. It was obvious someone had gone to great expense
to have it built that way. Warlordhorse snorted as Thoral squinted into the void. The light of the
moon did not penetrate the inky blackness of the fortress. Damn gibbous moons. Thoral swung
down from the saddle and unpacked and lit a torch. Its flame flickered like a dancing wraith as
thunder rumbled in the distance.
“I’m telling you, lanterns are better,” Brad commented, still in the pouch.
“This torch is more than serviceable,” the warrior answered.
“It’s all flickery and eerie,” the fish huffed at his side. “Lanterns give more consistent
light for the money.”
“Enough,” Thoral growled.
He led Warlordhorse through the door and into the courtyard beyond. Once inside, he tied
Warlordhorse to the testicles of a crumbling sculpture and looked around. It was dark and
gloomy enough that it was hard to see even with a torch, but Thoral decided not to say anything
about the poor lighting. He didn’t want to give Brad the satisfaction. Instead, he strode
unconcerned through a door that hung half off its hinges, stumbled over a whole human skeleton
and dropped the torch. It went out.
Recovering with the agility of an acrobatic dancing cat trained in martial arts, the warrior
drew Blurmflard from its sheath and pronounced the magic word that made the rune-covered
blade glow with a bright pink radiance. They were in a small antechamber from which many
doors led. The floor was littered with bones. Thoral glanced down at Brad, who glared back at
him from the belt pouch, furious. Before the fish could say anything, however, a soft scrabbling
sound came from behind them. The Fist Wielder whirled round, roaring a battle cry, and slashing
the darkness with Blurmflard.
A little rat squeaked at him from the bone-strewn floor, blinking in the magic pink light.
“It’s just a rat,” Brad sighed with relief.
“A mere rodent.” Thoral forced a chuckle. Then he relaxed.
Of course, that’s when the evil sorcerer sprang on him.



About the Author:

Fish Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison's first novel novel (He wrote a graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a crash course in the essential elements of good character and story, and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie. Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he also co-wrote the television special Popeye's Voyage: The Quest for Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.


Jim has appeared on NBC's The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children's television series SeeMore's Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010's top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.

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