Fun Funky Ways to Celebrate Halloween This Month
1. Buy a stash of your favorite chocolate for the big day and then eat it semi-immediately as your resolve to save it for Halloween night crumbles. Repeat as necessary.
2. Organize a “Thriller” flash mob at your local mall or university. Boil up a head of cauliflower ahead of time and during the flash mob, take a bite out of it, and then throw it on the floor and moan, “Braaaaaiiiins!”
3. Buy or make a costume. Wear it out in public weeks before Halloween. When anyone tells you it’s not Halloween yet, whisper, “I can see dead people.”
4. Pull out your decorations from the attic and garage and then leave them up all year. When people tell you Halloween was five months ago, look baffled and say, “Really? I didn’t know that.”
5. Play a CD of organ music at 3 AM and crank it up as loud as it will go. When the police arrive, answer the door with a mask over half your face and speak only in French.
6. Throw a scary movie party and show The Ring. Just before the end, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Call your home phone (if you have one) or a guest’s cell phone.
7. Make festive ice cubes for your party by placing a dead fly or bug of your choice in each section of an ice cube tray and adding water or Coke. Don’t tell your guests the bugs are real. They’ll just assume they’re plastic.
8. Bake a spider web cake. Instead of decorating it with candy spiders, use real ones. Fuzzy tarantulas work best. Don’t tell your guests about your big switcharoo.
9. Set up a bowling alley right in your very own front yard for the big night. Use two-liter soft drink bottles for bowling pins and small pumpkins for bowling balls. Or dress up as Marie Antoinette and use severed heads instead of pumpkins. Shout, “Let them eat cake!” every time you roll a strike.
10. Whistle the theme music to The X-Files at work, at home, on the bus, on the train, or in the car pool until a screaming mob bearing torches and pitchforks hunts you down.
The Haunted Housewives of Allister, Alabama (A Cleo Tidwell Paranormal Mystery) by Susan Abel Sullivan. Coming October, 2012.