Monday, March 28, 2011

Guest Blog with Lori Green with Hot, Hexed and Bothered Excerpts

“Now what do you say, Kitten?” I hauled back and hit him with everything I had. It wasn’t enough. “I thought you’d purr, Kitten, not show your claws.” “Would you stop with this ‘Kitten’ bullshit? My name is Mikki and you’re Corbin the killer.” “Destroyer actually. It’s a family thing. My grandfather was Konrath the Destroyer and he passed it on to my father Ernie who passed it to me.” “Ernie the Destroyer?” “Good times, Kitten. We used to raze small townships on the weekends as a family. Three generations of utter evil, those were the good old days.” It was completely mad. We were standing in a backyard in the middle of Hell’s suburbia and the hunkiest, yet deadliest, man I’d ever met was waxing poetic about playing Pillage the Village with his family. “Is everyone in Hell a maniac?” There was a wood bench near what looked like a fishpond and I went to sit on it. “My friend is upstairs unconscious, you killed a woman for no reason and I’m feeling like the last bastion of sanity in an utterly insane situation.” “She wasn’t a woman, she was a harpy. Harpies have no purpose except making others miserable, so I did everyone a service. And Caryl’s made of strong stuff. She’ll pull out of this thing she’s in.” Corbin stood in front of me and I looked up; his face was unreadable in the darkness. “Well, it’d be nice if we didn’t end up with too big a body count.” “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.” He crouched and looked me directly in the face. “So, Kitten, you want to fuck?”
* * * *

Demons are fun. I know in most paranormal romances the Hell creatures usually aren’t a barrel of laughs but I just can’t see them that way. In my vision of Hell the Underworld is crawling with slightly looney War Demons, accountants, imps and way too many insurance salesmen.

When I write I like to amuse myself. What can be more amusing than turning assumptions upside down and making the most dangerous creatures the funniest?

I never plan who might show up in my stories and I loved writing Hot, Hexed and Bothered because the best characters ever decided to pay a visit.

The story began with two witch best friends but it didn’t come to life until they went to Hell and met new friends there. Once they arrived they immediately met Corbin the Destroyer and his nemesis, James Thomas Snerf. Once the insurance selling Demon, Ez, showed up, I knew I was going to have fun.

* * * *

“It’s the Hell-lands, you know.” Ez was positively cheerful. “Do what they say or Satan sends a nice big Sonnellion to eat your being and then where are you? Course if you volunteer, they just throw you in the pit and let you stew a few thousand millennia.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.

“Sonnellions are pussies,” Corbin said.

“Do we have to keep him?” I asked Caryl.

“You wanted him,” she pointed out.

“My bad. It was the muscles. I liked the muscles.”

“The brain is the most important muscle,” JT said quietly while Corbin lifted his arm and flexed.

“Like this little witch?” he asked.

“Muscles are overrated,” Caryl said, “it’s about how a man listens to you.”

“Listening is good,” JT agreed.

“Listening is for pussies,” Corbin said, “unless I’m listening to a woman moan or an enemy scream, while I rip his balls off his body with my bare hand. Now there’s a pretty sound.”

“You have issues,” I told him.

“So why did you get sent to the Hell-lands?” Caryl asked.

“Oh that.” Ez’s smile finally dimmed. “Not a very good Demon, I guess. Hey! This is my road. East 68th. The missus is going to love you guys!”

**** I’m grateful to Noble Romance for wanting to give Hot, Hexed and Bothered a home. I hope that there are others who will enjoy my vision of a Hell that’s populated with insurance salesman and bus drivers and poodles named Fang. And for the readers who like me, want to have a side of seriously silly with their paranormal, I’m glad to not be alone. Dorky Demons need love too. Hot, Hexed and Bothered is available from Noble Romance @

You can find Lori Green at

1 comment:

Roxanne Rhoads said...

Thank you for joining us today Lori and sharing your new release.