Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Review of Real Vampires Have Curves by Gerry Bartlett


.5

Imagine being offered the choice to become a vampire...today - remember you'll be stuck forever with the body you have right now.

Would you say yes?

Five years ago I would have. Today...uhm "can I work out for a few months first?" would be my answer (damn third baby fat has never left).

Vampire Gloriana St. Clair didn't say no and now has to deal with a very curvy body for eternity.
I have read rave reviews about Gerry Bartlett's funny vampire series all over the place so I finally caved and got the first book.

I do not regret it at all. It was hilarious. What a wild read.

Poor Gloriana laments about her excess curves and lack of vampire abilities and her on again off again relationship with hot Highland lover and vampire sire Jeremiah Campbell III, aka Jeremy Blade, aka Jerry (which he hates). Most people just call him Blade.

The book opens with Glory moving to Austin,Texas in her old beater of a vehicle with her trusty talking dog, who is more than just a dog, Valdez. Along the ride Blade meets up with Glory to let her know a vampire hunter is on the loose and has killed Blade's best friend, Mac. Now Blade wants Glory to come back and live with him so he can protect her.

Glory, refuses. She wants to be independent and make her own way in the world. She already has plans of opening a vintage store in Austin, Vintage Vamp's Emporium. Perfect, because who knows more about antiques and their authenticity that a vampire that has been around for centuries. Plus all her vamp friends can contribute by cleaning out their closets.

Poor Glory is surrounded by powerful vampires...and even a werekitty, that can read her mind because she thinks she can't block or isn't powerful enough to do all the vamp tricks they can all do and boy is Glory's mind a fun spot to stay and play in, her thoughts are sometimes hilarious. But she has to get serious when she realizes the hunter is after her and all her friends. It's time Glory took being a vampire seriously and learned some of the tricks of the trade...if only to save her own well cushioned hide.

This was a very fun read, a humorous look at the lighter side of being a vampire while still tossing in the dark and deadlies. Being immortal isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

Now I can't wait to sink my fangs into the rest of this series.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! I was just thinking about vampires and how pissed I would be if I was turned right now. My hair color is in desperate need of a tune up and I have a zit from hell. I would happily walk out in the sun if I had to stay looking like this forever!

 
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